Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Heart's Desire...

My heart's desire is to be a mother, my heart's desire is to hold my baby in my arms, my heart's desire is to be woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby, my heart's desire is to have a little one to watch and grow... but my heart's desire must wait.

Well I got my monthly visitor yesterday, so we are still waiting for God's timing... which is so tough when my strongest desire right now is to be a mother. All around me seems to be people who just had babies, just found out they are pregnant, or waiting for their little one to arrive. Now don't get me wrong in my heart of hearts I am SO happy for these people... but it makes waiting for our turn even tougher. 

Yesterday I was just feeling so sad, and upset with God... which at the time and still now I felt guilty for. Is it ok to be upset, even angry with God? I think it is, when you have a relationship with God you are bound to have many emotions in that relationship, and yes even angry will be an emotion you have. I know that I need to wait for God's timing, but yesterday that was the last thing I wanted to hear... I am just so tired of being and feeling disappointed. I just need/ want something to look forward to, and I know that having a baby won't make me miss Maggie Grace or my mommy less but it sure would be great. So here I am waiting on my God, I try to keep my faith and have hope everyday but some days are more difficult then others. 

And can I just say for the record that when you are hoping to be pregnant and you get your monthly visitor... it is the worst ever, because not only are you not pregnant but now you have to deal with the cramps, the bloating, feeling super tired, and being crabby. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty icky this month... not fun! 

JC is with the youth group right now( I'm home on my "break" for an hour with the pups) we are doing a 12 hour event day with them and bringing them to different locations around the town! Fun, but a lot of work... they are at the beach now, where I will met them in thirty minutes and then our last stop of the night is the bowling alley. It is about 90 degrees here today, so it's warm! I don't know about you but I'm ready for some cooler weather and some beautiful fall days... have I mentioned that fall is my favorite season?! Well it is and I think part of that reason is because my birthday is October 3rd! Any way, we are packing up tonight at leaving at 5am tomorrow morning (WAY TOO EARLY, in my opinion) for my family cabin in MI where we will spend about a week there. Dad and Mary will be joining us for a few days! I'm excited to spend time with them and for Zeke's first trip to the cabin, Zoey's been there a hand full of times now. He still has his cone on from his surgery, which is pretty funny to watch him but we can't take it off until Friday so he wont be able to go swimming tomorrow but hopefully on Friday he will want to go! 

I am very excited to be in the wilderness with limited cell service and time with my love. I think it will be a great time to reconnect, recoup from our crazy summer and come back refreshed and ready to prepare for the teens kick off on September 19th! So I wont be blogging the whole time we are at the cabin, but don't worry I will take tons of pictures while we are there!! I hope you all have a blessed holiday weekend and enjoy some sun, family & friends, & count your blessings!! 


Zeke is very cuddling with his cone on, he was a cuddle bug last night
after I got home.

He looks so cute and innocent with it on...

proof that I am not a perfect baker, and reason 125778869 why I love
baking cupcakes, they always come out right! 

Majority of them came out well! Satisfied my craving for chocolate & was so good
washing it down with nice cold milk! 

Monday, August 27, 2012

Chicago Trip in Pics!

Reunited with Mindy again! 


Best Friends Together.... Just missing our Ellie! 

Walking on the busy streets of Chicago without a care in the world!

Being a tourist! 

North Park University, I missed you! 

Best Swedish restaurant I know!

Besties with curly hair! I love this girl so much!! 

Wrigley field! 

Memories here.

My new tattoo on my right wrist in memory of
Maggie Grace and my mama! 

My last night I was able to see Josh, who is one of JC's
high school friends & now one of my friends!! 


My last cupcake shop on my cupcake tour of Chicago!
Molly's Cupcakes

My 3rd Cupcake stop, Phoebe's cupcakes! 

My second Cupcake stop, SPRINKLES! For those of you who don't know
Sprinkles was the first strictly Cupcake bakery that opened.

My first cupcake stop, Crumbs.... Rebecca used to work here.
Their cupcakes are HUGE, and SO delish!

Taking in everything my last day in Chicago! 

Happy I was able to spend time with her!

Chicago Skyline! 

Ann Sather's, another great swedish restaurant! Rebecca's favorite! 

Many great memories here! 
On our way to Woodbury Days!  Big brother and little sister! 

They had so much fun riding this! 

Pretty Ryleigh Grace! 

Cute brothers! 

Well now that I'm back in MN I will be driving back up to the Falls tomorrow and spending a couple days at home. Then we pack up and head to the cabin in MI for a few days! I can. not. wait. to be at our cabin... and even more so I can't wait to see my love tomorrow! Only one more sleep until I'll be in my love's arms!! In other news Zeke was neutered last Wednesday and has a cone on his head and has been keeping daddy up at night. So I'm happy to be going home to help out with the pups, I have missed them lots! Hope you had a great weekend and that this week is full of blessings! 


Friday, August 17, 2012

Small Town, Big Heart!

International Falls, MN 

Population: 6, 424

Nicknames: Ice Box of the Nation & Frostbite Falls

Record Low: -55

Location: Located on Rainy River directly across from Ontario Canada (WAY up North!)

I remember when we first told my dad that we were looking at a job opening in International Falls, MN and his response was "do you know what they call it? The Ice Box of the Nation!" Well that is true that is one of I.Falls nicknames, but there is so much more to this sweet town then meets the eye. Sure when we first moved here and I realized there was only a Big K and the nearest Target was an hour and a half away I may have freaked out a bit... but once you've lived here for awhile you just get used to it! But is was a culture shock to say the least, growing up in a suburb and being used to things being very convenient and close by it was an adjustment! 

The longer we live here the more my heart grows fond of the city and most of all the people in this town! I was so happy to move back to a state known for being "Minnesota nice" were people are friendly and wave at you even if you don't know them! That is one thing I cherish most about MN, and didn't realize that other states are not like this until I moved away for college and then moved to the east coast. I love the sense of community here and our church family most of all, they have seen us through a lot just in this past year we have been here! 

It was right around this time last year that me moved up here, I was about six months pregnant with Maggie Grace, excited to be a stay at home mom and looking forward to what God would do in our lives! WOW! He has done so much this past year and made our marriage and our faith as a couple so much stronger! I can still remember the first Sunday we went to church and got introduced to the congregation, I remember being nervous and not know what a the role of being the youth pastor's wife looked like. 
People welcomed us in like we were family, and we received so many gifts for our precious Maggie Grace, and when she passed away we were flooded with cards, flowers, meals, and so overwhelmed by the support we were given through that difficult time. I can not say enough good things about our church family! Knowing that our time here in I.Falls could end in a few short months makes my heart sad, but both JC and I are clinging to our faith and trusting in what God has planned for our lives! We know that he will place us right where we need to be! Here are some pics of our gorgeous town! 

Rainy River at Sunset last summer! 

JC & I during our first visit last July
there's a tiny Maggie Grace in my belly! 

Beautiful Sunset!

Takes my breath away

Zeke during one of our hikes, green all around!

Our day remembering Maggie Grace

Gorgeous sky during our service in the park

Beach on Rainy River

God's beauty blooms all around! 

Cat tales 

Our new favorite hiking spot! 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Throw Back Thursday!

I love my husband and I am so thankful for him. This week I was reflecting on where we began as a couple, where we have been, where we are now, and what our future holds! I am so thankful for the way our relationship began, in friendship... we really got to know each other before becoming a couple!

God has blessed our life together beyond words, and he has seen us through so many difficult events in our lives. I am truly looking forward to see what God has in store for our future, however it is still difficult not worrying about the future or where we will be living a year from now!

I'm enjoying my time with my love this week, as I will be leaving on Sunday for a trip with out him. I am SO looking forward to going to my family cabin in MI with him and our pups. I am excited to get away with JC and to have very limited cell service and just escape from the stress of everyday life! As the week comes to an end, I am getting ready to pack up for my trip, excited to get my Kindle Fire that my sweet husband got me and have a date night with my love! I am getting anxious and super excited for my trip to visit my family and friends in the cities! My week was full of moments with friends and time to reflect on life and where it will bring us this year! I hope you have had a great week! Blessings!


Friday, August 10, 2012

Words for Thought!

One day the apostles said to the Lord "We need more faith; Tell us how to get it." "Even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed." the Lord answered, "You could say to this mulberry tree, 'May God uproot you and throw you into the sea,' and it would obey you!" Luke 17:6

Rather than giving the disciples a formula for increasing their faith, Jesus told them that it isn't the amount of faith that matters, but the object of faith.
The object of faith is your ability to work up enough to impress God, your faith will be as weak as your flesh. If the object of your faith is a particular outcome for your situation, your faith will be as weak as your wisdom. But if the source and object of your faith is Almighty God, even if it is weak, mustard-seed variety, your faith will be enough for whatever God allows into your life. ~ Nancy Guthrie

Some words that I read this morning in my devotional that really got me thinking about truly living in faith and relying on God to work things in our lives for his glory and ultimate purpose!
Have a blessed Friday my friends!


Thursday, August 9, 2012

In the Stillness

Stillness, that is not something that happens very often in our house lately and when it does I soak up as much of it as I can. In the stillness is when I feel closest to God, when I feel most connected to him & that is when I feel he can hear me the best! In our world today there is not much stillness, with cell phones being attached to us, schedules to be kept, errands to run, day to day life I find to be pretty hectic. I am so guilty of constantly checking my phone looking at Facebook, or instagram... I feel like our world has lost it's grasp on reality.

So lately I have been finding my time of stillness to be very rewarding and refreshing; I start my mornings in my devotional before I do anything else (some days I fail at this) and I like to end my nights reading a good book. I treasure these moments of stillness in my life, no distractions just time for my thoughts and time with my God. Since I have been making this a routine for myself I have been feeling so much closer to God and much more at peace with what the future holds for JC and I. With so many things hanging over our heads I feel this peace is a much needed relief from stress and worry! 

Earlier this week I had brunch with one of the ladies from church and she also works at the christian radio station in town, I always feel comfort when I listen to her talk. I was a wonderful time of fellowship and a time of us getting to know each other better. She prayed for our meal, something she said stuck with me the rest of that day and continues to stick with me as the week goes on. She just simply put it "Lord you've got this, we know that you have it all under control." This just put a smile on my face... Lord you've got this! And he so does, he has everything under control, nothing takes him by surprise and everything happens according to his will for our lives. 

What a refreshing think to think of, we don't need to stress and worry because our God has it all under control, he has our backs and will only allow things to happen in our lives that we can face with the strength he gives us! I am so thankful for a God, a Heavenly Father who loves me so much to take all my worries, stresses, and my deepest desires off my shoulders and provide for room in my life for stillness. 

My devotional for today was titled "If it be your Will" and it talked about putting our own needs and desires aside to allow God's will to be done. Two questions that stuck out in my mind were; Would you give me a willing heart to embrace your plan and your purpose? Would you mold me into an instrument that you can use to accomplish what you have in mind? Is it just me or do you struggle with giving up your own agenda for God to move in your life? This is something that I have been trying to work on in my own life and I feel like I have truly come to that place where I can say to God "you've got this, when you see it fit for JC and I to have our next baby, I trust in you and in your timing Lord. I know that your timing is best & you have our lives planned out already, our story has already been written." So I stand here today with faith in my Lord, happiness in my heart, and my soul filled with Joy in knowing that my God is in control and has only the best things planned for my life! 

May you find time in your week for stillness and time alone with your God! 

Here are some pics from Brad & Whitney's short visit up north! It was a great time with family I enjoyed every minute of being with Whitney and the kids and I know JC loved going fishing with Brad (even though he got a little sun burned!) Blessings to you for the rest of your week! 


Brad played softball for the church team!

Love this pic of Uncle JC & Ori

Will being a boy playing in the dirt! 

Ori playing in the dirt! 

Mini Rainbow, and love little surprises like this! 

JC caught his first Walleye and we ate fish for dinner that night
I love how Zeke is checking out the fish! 

God's beauty is all around!

Rest hour while Ori took a nap, the pups and Will had some down time!

My view at the beach, such a gorgeous day! 

Will playing at the beach! 

Ori playing in the water! 

Their love is priceless!
(Brad & Whitney)

The love of a parent is where it all begins! 

Fun at the Park! 

Just me! 

Made my first homemade french silk pie to celebrate Brad's
Birthday! It came out pretty good! 

Love my sister! 

My Love!