It's a very curious and unsettling feeling when you don't know where your place is within your own life. Since we have arrived in FL I have been feeling a little loss and unsure of what my new "role" is in this new chapter of our life. When we first were talking about the possibility of us moving here I was suppose to be working on growing a human being... so now where does this leave me. The only thing that seems routine or scheduled are my morning work outs, which I started doing a week ago.
The past year of my life all I had on my mind was getting pregnant, that's still on my mind but not as much as it was in the past. My desire to be a mother is still very strong, but I want to get to a healthier weight and I need to give my body and emotions a break from being pregnant and all the heartache that has come with both of my pregnancies. Part of me is also hoping that the next pregnancy will be a surprise so I don't have to make the conscious decision to get pregnant. I have been seeing a lot of my friends having their babies, and seeing other pregnancies progress... I honestly couldn't be more excited for them! At the same time it makes my heart sad knowing that I would be about 28 weeks along with baby number 2 right now. I can only pray that God continues to work on my heart and healing it. I know that he is working on the fear I have of losing another baby, but that is defiantly still in the process.
I guess what I am trying to get at is that I feel like my life is in limbo... waiting to lose weight, waiting for the right time to get pregnant, waiting to find a job. But I don't want to be living my life like it is in limbo, so not the way it is meant to be! So for now I guess all I can really do is keep my faith in God and that he will reveal all things in his timing. So I will be here waiting and praying and putting all my faith (which is all I feel like I have right now) in the one who knows my heart best. I pray that you are finding and holding onto your faith in God in your own lives right now!
"I am leaving you with a gift- peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27