Yesterday I spent most of my day taking care of my sweet sick husband. The other part of my day was spent unpacking our bags from being at my Dad's house down in the cities for the past 3 weeks. As I unpacked the bags I decided it was a god time to rearrange our closet and refold clothes.
As I sorted through my shirts, I pulled my maternity shirts out to put in another room. My heart was sadden as I was replaying moments of seeing my little girl moving in my tummy when wearing these shirts. But a part of me was excited thinking about wearing these shirts again with a new little baby growing inside of me! I find myself going back and forth between these emotions of missing Maggie Grace so much and being excited about having another baby.
As I continued with my cleaning of our room and making JC lunch, I feel thankful for having someone to take care of even if it isn't my baby girl. My heart ached seeing JC so sick and uncomfortable, I just prayed that his fever would break and he would feel better soon. I was glad that I was physically able to take care of him, because I felt so helpless the last two months of my pregnancy because my lower back hurt so much. As I made dinner for us I just thought about what a kind and loving heart my husband has. He literally waited on me hand and foot the last two months of my pregnancy and gave me nightly back rubs! So I took care of him with a thankful heart. I thank God everyday for blessing with such an amazing man of God who loves me for who I am and knowing me better than I know myself! JC makes this journey called life much easier to walk through.
Today I cleaned the rest of the house and found myself wondering what my day would have been like having Maggie here. The house is so quite, I long to hear her cry and be the one to make her stop crying. Today my heart was hurting and aching for my baby girl all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and kiss her sweet head. I missed her so much today, I have empty arms and an empty womb, It's days like today that I feel so empty and lost without my Maggie Grace. It's hard to feel like a mother, even though I am without having her with me. Even as I write this tears are falling down my face, I can't help but be sad. I have my good days and my bad days, today was a bad day.
Even though it was a bad day I am thankful for as silly as this my sound... my puppy Zoey. She followed me around the house yesterday and today only being two steps behind me and think she can sense my broken heart and know that her company makes be happy. I am thankful for this little ball of fur, she has gotten me through many hard times during her short 3 years of life!
Looking forward to spending time with our church family tomorrow!