Saturday, March 31, 2012

Cupcake Love

Growing up one of my favorite things to do was bake with my Mom! Now that I am grown up and have my own kitchen to create tasty treats in, I am always wanting to bake and try new things. My favorite thing to bake are cupcakes! When JC and I started dating I realized how much I loved cupcakes and that they could turn a bad day completely around! They are cheerful, fun, and of course tasty! 

Last year I really started getting into baking different types and I would bring them to youth group. This year it was tough for me to bake as much because I was pregnant and couldn't be on my feet for very long. When we got back from our time in the cities after Maggie Grace passed away, I started baking again and it felt so good to be back in the kitchen! So now I am trying to bake cupcakes for the youth group kids that go to Sunday night worship practice and Riot (their sunday night Bible study) every week! It's my ultimate dream to open my own cupcake bakery, it would be called Honey Bee Cupcakes... maybe one day! 

Baking cupcakes is a stress reliever for me, I really enjoy being in the kitchen listening to music and baking the day away. Today was one of those days, all week I was super excited to make Carmel Delight cupcakes they taste just like the girl scout cookie! Here are some pics of  some of the cupcakes I have made in the past and the ones I made today! Leave me a comment on here if you would like the recipe for these tasty cupcakes!! 


Mini Chocolate/ Vanilla 

Chocolate with Peanut butter frosting

Hot Fudge Sundae 


Vanilla with almond buttercream frosting

Boston Cream 

Junior Mint

Cookies and Cream


Carmel Delight!

My new cupcake apron I just got as a gift today!

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

A Prayer for Today

If you have not read "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning, I suggest it! It is one of my all time favorite books and has many great quotes that I live my life by. Here is a prayer from this book....

"Abba, I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me what you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all: I accept all. Let your will be done in me and in all your creatures. I wish no more than this, O Lord. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you, Lord, and I give myself, surrender myself into your hands without reserve, with boundless confidence, for you are my father." Charles Foucauld

I hope you are all having a wonderful Wednesday! 


Sunday, March 25, 2012


Yesterday was a hard day. All day I had been looking forward to my Apples of Gold graduation dinner. When it came time for me to get ready and find something to wear I went downstairs to my totes full of clothes I wore before being pregnant with Maggie Grace, hoping to find something cute/nice to wear for dinner. Nothing seemed to fit, and I just got discouraged and come up stairs and flung myself on our bed and just started sobbing. It's as if the last two years just got to me all at once, this was an overbearing feeling! JC came in and just rubbed my back for awhile without saying anything, he just knows what I need in these times. 

As my head was spinning with so many emotions it was difficult to separate them out and figure out what was really bothering me; not being able to fit into my clothes, having to sacrifice my body for a baby I didn't get to keep, missing my mom so much wishing she was here with me, not understanding why we had to give our baby up when there are so many people in this world that are drug addicts and have babies they get to keep, people that scream at their kids in public... just so many people in the world that don't seem to care about their kids. When here JC and I are strong christians, good people, we would have cared for that baby so much, we love her so much it hurts.... yet we have no baby, she did not get to stay with us. Just being so angry I just wanted to scream out WHY God I don't understand your reasoning!!

All of these things seemed to be bothering me and came crashing down on me like a heavy wave pushing me deeper and deeper down. Now was the evil one at work here, I have no doubt he was there filling my mind with lies. But yesterday I felt so unbelievable human, broken, hopeless, sad, angry that it hurt. My eyes ached from crying so hurt, my heart hurt from all the sorrow that has filled my life the past two years. 

JC and I decided we weren't going to go to the dinner, as much as I wanted to go I just could not imagine going and trying to put on a happy smiling face when that is the furthest from how I was feeling. I just wanted to stay under the covers and hide from the world and people, JC let me take a nap for awhile and had dinner ready for me when I woke up. He is such an incredible man and just gets me and what I need when I need it most! I could not imagine my life without him, he loves me when I am at my lowest, builds me up when I need it, and most importantly walks next to me hand in hand in the darkest moments in life!

As much as I try to be upbeat and positive about life, somedays I just need to be broken, cry, scream, and ask the question of why. I know that my God loves me and that our hopes and dreams will be restored! Before I drifted off to sleep last night I asked JC to say a prayer for our future babies, and he prayed just what was on my heart. I fell asleep with my hope being restored in JC's words, and the joy of thinking about creating another baby together! 

Friday was a good day, I brought my friend Laura some birthday cupcakes and a present. We chatted about life and my hope about getting pregnant sooner than later, I enjoy spending time with her and her adorable little girls! I am thankful for our friendship and glad I have found a friend here in town! That night we went to see The Hunger Games and the movie did not disappoint, it was great and very true to the book! Last night I ordered the next two books and I can't wait to read them and find out how the trilogy ends, it will be hard to wait for the next two movies to come out!

This week I am looking forward to working, hopefully going to look at a few houses to rent, working out, spending time with JC and hopefully having better days then worse days!


I had my wedding ring resized and it returned to me on friday (the diamond was my mom's and means the world to me!)
Enjoying warm tea before bed last night!! (wet hair and no makeup on, me in my truest form!)

Laura's Birthday cupcakes!

Love waking up to my sweet puppy's face!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

My new Job!

It has been a wonderful week full of beautiful weather, quality time with my hubby playing Yahtzee, time with a new friend making cake pops, reading the Hunger Games and today I started working at my new job! I will be working at Swanky Sweet Pea, it's a new bath boutique that opened downtown. It is the cutest shop, super girly and if I ever opened my own cupcake bakery it would look just like this shop!! The owner Raeanne creates these adorable bath fizzes that look like cupcakes and other baked goods! If you know me you know how much I love cupcakes and baking them, so this job is perfect for me! Today I did a little training and just enjoyed talking with Raeanne and hearing about how crazy busy she is and how her business is blooming!Check out her website: Tonight is youth group and I'm excited to see the kids, what kids show up that is, about 25% of the high students were out sick today there are four different kinds of sickness going around. So JC and I are praying that we don't get sick! I'm trying to finish up reading the Hunger Games so JC and I can go see the movie on friday night!! Hope you all are having a wonderful week as well!


Saw this ray of sunshine the other day and couldn't help but think of our angel baby looking down on us!

The beautiful sunset last night!

The adorable products I will be selling!

So cute!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Busy week!!

This past Tuesday was my last Apples of Gold night, our bible study was about hospitality. Ever since we moved here I have wanted to have more people over, but between being pregnant and our house being so little it just never really happened. Well this week JC and I had people over not once but twice. We had an old friend from our CBC (Covenant Bible College, where JC and I met) days along with his wife and brother in law! It was a great night of story telling,food, and laughter! And last night we had new friends, Megan and Mike came over for St. Patrick's day and we played the game of life! It felt good to open our house up to people and share in fellowship! This week I also went to see about getting a job at a new shop in town, had a tea party with a good friend and her adorable daughter, I worked out, we had youth group, I had a coffee date with a new friend Saturday morning, soaked up some rays yesterday, started reading the Hunger Games! Over all it was a great, busy week, full of friends, new friends, sunshine and fun! 

My beautiful necklace from my sweet cousin I got in the mail this week!

I whipped up some yummy cupcakes for dessert Thursday night in the Kitchen Aid! 

My Tea Party with Alexandra!

Love this man with my WHOLE heart!

My new friend Megan and I on St. Patty's Day!

Spending the afternoon outside in the sunshine with my puppy reading the Hunger Games!

This week I am looking forward to a lot of things...
* Going for training at my new job
*Working out
* Going to look at a new house
* Going to Easter Choir Practice
* Youth Group
* Going for a walk with another new friend and her daughters
* Spending sometime with Laura
*Going for a coffee date with my love
* Enjoying more sunshine and working on my tan!
* Hopefully finishing the Hunger Games and going to see the movie!
* Apples of Gold graduation dinner with my hubby as my date!

As the time goes on it seems like our calendar is filling up fast, but I am excited about this and looking forward to spending more time with new friends! I am finally making friends and going out and socializing, which I could not be more excited about! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!!

xoxoxo Bee

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

In the Mirror

Lately the women I see in the mirror is someone I don't recognize, since I had Maggie Grace I have been struggling a lot with my body image. Having a six week recovery and not being able to exercise really bummed me out. I have been trying to eat better and exercise for the past almost three weeks now... but the weight is not coming off as fast as I would like it to! Growing up I was a dancer and I was always thin (curvy, but thin!) my Mom would always tell me how beautiful I was and that being curvy was a gift and something some girls envy.

It is sad that we live in a society were it is all about your looks and being a size 0, no thighs, no butt, and no boobs! Well I have always been the opposite of that and on top of that very petite! When I worked at Walgreens there were many times when girls that were as young as sixteen would come in and buy weight loss products, this always made my heart sad. But the pressure to be thin is always there for girls and women, in t.v. shows, in magazines, in school, in the workplace... we as women always tend to compare ourself to other women, but why should we?! God created us to all be different shapes and sizes, just think how boring it would be if we all looked the same... no one would be unique! 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quite spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 
1 Peter 3:3-4

So right now this is what I am struggling with, I want to be at a healthy weight and I don't want to be afraid to look in the mirror. Going out in public I feel very aware of my weight and worry what people think of me... oh just another fat lazy person. However they don't know what I have been through and that I just had a baby a little over eight weeks ago because I don't have my beautiful baby with me. I know if our Maggie Grace was here I would not be concerned about my looks I would be totally forced on her, and that is what makes it even harder for me. I know that part of my negative feelings are brought on my satan trying to tare me down and make me feel bad about myself, so I need to lean on my God who loves me just the way I am! I also need to believe my husband when he tells me that I am beautiful no matter what, I am so thankful for him!! 

Today I decided to tape some encouraging words to our full length mirror to remind myself that God loves me and that I am beautiful in his eyes! 

I am looking forward to the rest of the week and hanging out with some great people! I pray that my words speak into each of you and you find strength in the Lord when you are feeling down about yourself! Remember God loves Y-O-U, just the way you are!! 

xoxoxo Bee

Monday, March 12, 2012

Weekend Recap!

This weekend I headed home to celebrate my sister-in-law, Shannon's birthday! My first stop was to spend the night with the birthday girl and the kids, I had fun being goofy and silly with the kids! They are such a joy in my life and make my heart very happy! Get was a great night spent with the family!

Friday morning I got up and worked out, then Shannon went with me to get fitted for my bridesmaid dress for Dad and Mary's wedding! I was so thankful to have her with me, she is a huge support in my life and she understands my struggles and comforts me when I'm down. She is a huge blessing and gift in my life! Friday night we headed to Wild Bill's Sport Saloon for a night of laughing, dancing and spending time with family and friends! I was able to catch up with my "work mom" Tammy, she has been there through all the ups and downs the last two years. She was there for me when my mom passed away, there with me on my wedding day and she drove five hours here to come see me the day after our Maggie Grace passed away. She means the world to me and I am so thankful for her!

Saturday morning I ran errands and did a little shopping, then I went to spend more time with Shannon, Brian and the kids! It was a beautiful day (65 degrees!) so we all went for a walk and enjoyed the sunshine and each others company! 

Sunday I decided to leave a day early and surprise JC! Before I left I was able to spend time with Brad, Whitney, and the boys! We played with the kids, eat lunch with Dad and Mary, and also helped them put together their wedding invitations! 

Overall it was a nice, relaxing, fun weekend at home and I was thankful for the time I got to spend with the people I love! Next trip home will be for Dad and Mary's wedding on May 12th! Hope you all had a great weekend as well!

xoxoxo Bee

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Counting my Blessings!

Growing up my Mom would always tell me how blessed I was, she would remind me that I am perfectly healthy, I can walk and run when other kids might not be able to do those things. Even though my life has been filled with difficulties and tragedy. I have SO many things to be thankful for!

Frist of all I grew up in a christian home filled with love and laughter! I had two amazing parents who poured love and understanding into me, who taught me right from wrong, who instilled in me love for God and other people. I have nothing but good memories of my childhood, I grew up with two big brothers who loved me even though I was the annoying little sister! I grew up knowing and spending time with my grandparents, I have fond memories of spending nights with Grandma along with my cousin Mario! I am so thankful for my childhood and having amazing parents who loved me and excepted me for who I am.

Second of all I grew up with two great brothers, who loved me and tolerated me when I would tell on them to Mom. I would refer to them as "the brothers" many times to my Mom. Brian is nine years older than me, so he was busy a lot of the time doing his own thing and bringing me to high school basketball games to show me off to get attention from the girls! He has been and still is someone who I look up to, he has worked hard to get to where he is!
Brad is six years older than me, so I was closer to him growing up. He was and still is my protective brother! He would talk to Mom if he thought there was something going on with me, I think sometimes he thought of himself as my second Dad. I also look up to him and how hard he has worked to get to where he is and how much of a hard worker he is! 

I am thankful for two wonderful women in my life... my sister-in-laws (more like my sisters though!) Shannon and Whitney. Both who have seen me grow up and both who love my brothers unconditionally!
Shannon has been in my life since I was twelve years old, she has seen me grow up and has walked side by side with me during the difficult times. She is someone I truly admire for her strength, her faith, and her love for her children! I so look up to her as a Mom, I only hope and pray that I will be half as good of a Mom as her! 
Whitney has been in my life since I was fourteen, so she has also watched me grow up. She is someone who has a gently spirit about her, I love hearing her laugh and seeing how much she loves my brother! She is someone that I admire for her ability to be a good listener and how patient she is.

Another great women who has been in my life since 2006 is my sister-in-law (JC's twin sister) Cassie! Ever since I met Cassie, I always felt close to her. We just have an understanding about each other that needs no words! She is someone I enjoy talking with, I enjoy spending time with her and I feel like we never run out of things to talk about! She is a great Mom and I admire her for her positive attitude about life! I love her like a sister and I look forward to a lifetime of making memories with her!

All of these people are wonderful blessings in my life and I couldn't imagine my life with out any of them! But I have to be completely honest that my greatest blessing in my life is my husband JC! 
I would not be where I am today with out him, he has blessed my life SO much with his unconditional love! I am so thankful that God brought us together, he sure knew what he was doing when he brought us together! Even before we started dating JC was always the person I went to when I was having a bad day or just needed someone to talk to. We have been through more things in the short six years that we have been together than most people have in there life time. Everything we have been through, we have made it out the other side stronger and closer to each other. JC is truly my rock, my love, and my best friend who I could not live without! I feel blessed and honored to be his wife and to be in ministry with him! 
I pray that you are all able to count your blessings and see God in your everyday life!

xoxoxo Bee

Monday, March 5, 2012

Our Angel Baby

As JC and I woke up Saturday morning, we laid in bed for awhile and I was just thinking how wonderful it would be to have our little Maggie Grace laying between us. I thought about doing this often when I was pregnant with her, I never thought that I wouldn't be able to do that with her. She is in my heart and I miss her everyday, what I would give to hold her again, kiss her sweet head, kiss her little toes and hands, give her baths... I long to do these things and it makes my heart sad that I am not able to do them. While I was pregnant with her I feel like I took her for advantage, if I had only known she would not be with us now I would have done many things differently. I have been wanting to share pictures of our beautiful girl, so I hope you enjoy this glimpse of Heaven. 

xoxo Bee

Maggie Grace at 20 weeks

Sucking her thumb!

So excited to be having a girl!

Around 26 weeks a long! 

Hand painted canvas's I made! 
A room filled with Love!
Daddy Painting his little girl's room!

Maggie Grace Barber
The face of an Angel

Sweet little feet
Perfect sized baby girl

Bracelet made by Auntie Cassie, to remember her by!

Love these little prints!

We will meet you in Heaven Little Girl! Love you! 

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Hello March!

Last night as I ripped February off the calendar on our fridge, I got excited for a fresh new month! Here are somethings I am looking forward to this month...

  • Getting a job! (hopefully at the floral shop in town!)
  • Getting in shape, eating healthier and exercising! 
  • Going for a visit to the cities for Shannon's Birthday!
  • Picking out my bridesmaid dress for Dad and Mary's wedding!
  • Going for walks with Zoey!
  • Having date nights with JC!
  • Getting more involved with the teens at youth group!
  • Baking something new every week!
  • Painting my nails with colorful polish!
  • Hopefully more sunny days!
As we start a new month I am hopeful for what the future holds for JC and I! I feel a sense of renewal coming with the month of March, I had a doctor's appointment on Monday and the doctor said that JC and I can start trying for another baby starting in April! So I am very excited for that and I am even more focused and determined to loss weight and get into shape! I am also getting into shape for Dad and Mary's wedding because I was asked to be one of the bridesmaids! Their wedding is May 12th on a river boat on the St.Croix, so I am very much looking forward to it and praying for good weather! I'm excited to go down to the cities next weekend for my sister-in law Shannon's birthday, it will be good to be with my family for a happy occasion and not a sad one! Tonight JC and I are looking forward to a quite night at home with each other, tomorrow night we are going to the high school basketball game to watch some of the students play and the girls cheer! 

xoxo Bee