Thursday, April 12, 2012

Calm My Anxious Heart Lord

Lately I have been finding myself being impatient and just tired, I'm sure part of that is due to our new little puppy! Man they are a lot of work, kind of like a little baby! Hopefully this will help us prepare for our next baby. 

My arms ache to hold our baby girl, my womb feels empty without a baby in it, my heart hurts with the pain of missing Maggie Grace so much, my mind is full of my pregnancy memories, and I am so anxious to make another baby.

I had a talk with God today before my work out as tears streamed down my face, I prayed out loud to him... something I don't do often but I guess I figured he would hear me better and it would seem more urgent if I spoke out loud! I asked him to give us another baby soon, and if it doesn't happen soon I prayed that he would prepare my heart and mind for that disappointment. 

Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to be a Mom, playing mom with my baby dolls growing up is a very strong memory of my childhood. I feel like God created me to be a Mom and to have my own children to love. Which in some ways I am a Mom, I carried Maggie Grace for the whole 9 months and gave birth to her, yet there is an empty void in me because I don't have my baby with me. Therefore I don't feel as though I am a mother. So my prayer every night as I lay in bed is that he would gift us with a healthy baby and protect them while in my womb. My heart is growing anxious to find out if/ when we are expecting another baby. I'm working on my patients which I know I have needed to work on, JC always tells me to be patient. It is very evident that through everything with Maggie Grace that God is working on my patients. I waited a whole nine months for Maggie Grace and now when we do get pregnant again with the next baby I need to wait another nine months. This is a true test to my patients and trusting the Lord and knowing that his time is perfect even though it is not my timing. 

"And so after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised." Hebrews 6:15

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:25

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him." Psalm 40:1-3

So as I wait for our next baby I keep prayers to God on my lips and I have full confidence that he will gift us with healthy babies that we will get to keep here with us and love on!! Until that day we have our sweet puppies to help fill our void...


Zoey will always be my best bud! 
My beautiful Zoey girl!

Sweet puppies! 

Hi Zeke, he tilts his head just like his sister! 

1 comment:

  1. Bee I love reading your blog posts. You are such an amazing and strong woman. I am and will keep you in my Daily Prayers. I pray the Good Lord blesses you with another beautiful Baby and gives you the strength and patience you need until that day comes.