Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Heart's Desire...

My heart's desire is to be a mother, my heart's desire is to hold my baby in my arms, my heart's desire is to be woken up in the middle of the night by a crying baby, my heart's desire is to have a little one to watch and grow... but my heart's desire must wait.

Well I got my monthly visitor yesterday, so we are still waiting for God's timing... which is so tough when my strongest desire right now is to be a mother. All around me seems to be people who just had babies, just found out they are pregnant, or waiting for their little one to arrive. Now don't get me wrong in my heart of hearts I am SO happy for these people... but it makes waiting for our turn even tougher. 

Yesterday I was just feeling so sad, and upset with God... which at the time and still now I felt guilty for. Is it ok to be upset, even angry with God? I think it is, when you have a relationship with God you are bound to have many emotions in that relationship, and yes even angry will be an emotion you have. I know that I need to wait for God's timing, but yesterday that was the last thing I wanted to hear... I am just so tired of being and feeling disappointed. I just need/ want something to look forward to, and I know that having a baby won't make me miss Maggie Grace or my mommy less but it sure would be great. So here I am waiting on my God, I try to keep my faith and have hope everyday but some days are more difficult then others. 

And can I just say for the record that when you are hoping to be pregnant and you get your monthly visitor... it is the worst ever, because not only are you not pregnant but now you have to deal with the cramps, the bloating, feeling super tired, and being crabby. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty icky this month... not fun! 

JC is with the youth group right now( I'm home on my "break" for an hour with the pups) we are doing a 12 hour event day with them and bringing them to different locations around the town! Fun, but a lot of work... they are at the beach now, where I will met them in thirty minutes and then our last stop of the night is the bowling alley. It is about 90 degrees here today, so it's warm! I don't know about you but I'm ready for some cooler weather and some beautiful fall days... have I mentioned that fall is my favorite season?! Well it is and I think part of that reason is because my birthday is October 3rd! Any way, we are packing up tonight at leaving at 5am tomorrow morning (WAY TOO EARLY, in my opinion) for my family cabin in MI where we will spend about a week there. Dad and Mary will be joining us for a few days! I'm excited to spend time with them and for Zeke's first trip to the cabin, Zoey's been there a hand full of times now. He still has his cone on from his surgery, which is pretty funny to watch him but we can't take it off until Friday so he wont be able to go swimming tomorrow but hopefully on Friday he will want to go! 

I am very excited to be in the wilderness with limited cell service and time with my love. I think it will be a great time to reconnect, recoup from our crazy summer and come back refreshed and ready to prepare for the teens kick off on September 19th! So I wont be blogging the whole time we are at the cabin, but don't worry I will take tons of pictures while we are there!! I hope you all have a blessed holiday weekend and enjoy some sun, family & friends, & count your blessings!! 


Zeke is very cuddling with his cone on, he was a cuddle bug last night
after I got home.

He looks so cute and innocent with it on...

proof that I am not a perfect baker, and reason 125778869 why I love
baking cupcakes, they always come out right! 

Majority of them came out well! Satisfied my craving for chocolate & was so good
washing it down with nice cold milk! 

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