It's a Beeautiful Life: Here Again

Here we are again, just days into January and the lose of another baby. I didn't see this one coming, however I didn't see us losing our Maggie Grace either. I told my Dad the other night that if someone had told me that this is how my life would end up like I would not have believed them. It's a good thing though.... because to be honest if I had been told ahead of time that this is the kind of hurt I would have to endure in my life, I may have opted for another route with less pain. If I had been told about this pain ahead of time I would not think I had the strength to get through it all. When people tell me that I am such a strong person, I feel like I am anything but.

The strength does not come from me, it comes from my God, with out him I would be nothing, without him I would be a puddle of mush that doesn't want to get out of bed. Without him I would be so lost, confused, hurt, and angry. Now I'm not saying I don't feel these things, because I do (I don't understand why we have had two babies taken away... and I probably never well know) I feel hurt and pain, however with my God all these feelings seem so much more bare able & when I look at scripture it gives me the hope I need for the future and to keep pushing forward.

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

This was the scripture that was on my daily Bible app on my phone yesterday and it just seemed so fitting for what I had to face yesterday. Yesterday was a miserable day, the procedure I had to go through was a D & C and it was quite possibly the worst thing I have ever had to go through. The fact that I was in my second trimester made it more uncomfortable/ painful because the baby was bigger in size then when they usually do this procedure in the first trimester. I thank God that JC was able to be right by my side holding my hand through the whole thing, I don't know how I would have gotten through it without him there. Saying goodbye to this baby has not been nearly as emotional as it was with Maggie Grace, now it may hit me harder in the days to come only time will tell. They were unable to tell the sex of this baby, which I think in a way makes it a little easier to let go. We will probably never know the cause of why this baby passed, but just take comfort in the fact that this (even though painful) is part of God's plan for JC and I.

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream." Jeremiah 17:7-8

Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually. 1 Chronicles 16:11

These are the words I have for today, I know I will be writing more as my brain processes this situation more. Thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement, they mean a great deal to both JC and I. A specific prayer request for me right now is that my strep, ear infection/ clogged left ear clears up soon, it would be nice to be healthy once again.

XOXO Bee