Sunday, January 6, 2013

How do We say Goodbye... Again

Picture I took of the sunset Friday night driving to the
hospital. Trying to find God's beauty among the dark times.
Here we are once again saying goodbye to another one of our beloved babies. I am writing this with a heavy heart. Friday afternoon we went to the doctor's for a routine OB check up and the doctor could not find the baby's heartbeat so they sent us off to a hospital an hour and a half south of the Falls to get an ultrasound done to make sure that baby was ok. When we arrived we were swiftly brought to the ultrasound room and I laid down on the table saw the baby, but no movement and the tech was very quite so I knew baby was gone but when he actually confirmed it by saying it out loud it hit me like a ton of bricks!

Seriously.... AGAIN?!!! What the *&$#% are you doing God? I don't get it... I don't want to go through this again. Even in the middle of all this I felt bad for this tech who had to tell us this horrible news after we had just shared with him about our Maggie Grace. As the reality set in the tears just flowed from both mine and JC's eyes... JC apologized for this happening again (not him I am upset with, but my sweet love said the words that came to his heart first) How fresh this all seems to us after losing our first sweet baby almost a year ago, I think this numbed part of the harsh pain of it all in that moment.

They proceeded to check me in to the ER that night to see if I would "expel" the baby, well I sit here  still pregnant your guess is correct I have not expelled the baby yet. As I went through an entire day yesterday of pitocin and nothing happening, my body/or and the baby doesn't want to let go yet. So today (Sunday) we were sent from the hospital in Virginia to a hospital in Minneapolis to see experts and get everything taken care of. So tonight we are sleeping at my dad's house and will be going to a clinic in Minneapolis at 12:30, to see what the plan is for taking care of this baby. There are many complications that can some with a procedure like the one I need done, because I have not dilated and I may not dilate they could possibly tear my uterus, which would really stink because that means really no more babies or possible tearing of my bowel or something else. Now after hearing about all the complications you would think I would want to be put under... but I don't because I have so many bad memories of being put out with Maggie and on top of it I have been extremely sick and still am fighting strep and an ear infection so I am not sure if they would want to put me under. If you think of it tomorrow please pray for JC and I as we go through another hard lose in our life, for the doctor's and for our peace of mind.

That is all I have for tonight, I will try and keep you all posted as much as possible.

XOXO Bee

This video is one that JC brought to my attention tonight and I don't think it could sum up how we are feeling right now any better.


21 comments:

  1. We are just so, so very sorry! You are in our thoughts and prayers constantly. We love you and continue to pray. <3 Dale & Mary

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  2. Our hearts are breaking for you and we are supporting you in prayer! Mike & Megan

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  3. JC and Bee, Cassie has been keeping me updated. I just can't believe this is happening to you again. Your words above and the song JC found, have got to help you both as you are dealing with such devastating grief, yet again. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. <3 Love, Faith & Mike

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  4. Bee- I'm so sorry to hear the news. You & JC are in my prayers! Ginny Olson

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  5. i dont know you but i send my prayers and condolences your way. i am so sorry for your loss.

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  6. Bee & JC,

    Our hearts are heavy and we can't help but ask the same questions to God. We pray God can be present in a new way through this season of your life.

    Love,
    Jorden & Kellynne

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  7. Bee & JC, Our family is lifting you to the Father, knowing only one thing, that He is strong enough. Praying peace. We love you!!! Val, Allen, Seth and Will

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  8. I am so sorry you are going through this again. God only puts the strongest people through these trials. You will be in my prayers. -Tierney

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  9. I am so sad for you Bee. I pray that God gives the doctors wisdom today. and I pray that God will bless you and JC immensely after this season of loss.
    floral&fudge

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  10. This breaks my heart, continuing to lift you guys up in prayer, asking God to give you comfort and peace during this painful season.

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  11. Praying, praying and praying some more.
    We love you, Papa Craig & Molly

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  12. Bee and Jc first of all I am so sorry for your loss, i have been there last month my husband and I lost our Twin Babies at 18 weeks, we had tried for 4 years to get pregnant and did IVF and then to get pregnant and then to lose them was the hardest thing we have ever had to go through, so dont know how you are doing through all this i can only guess not good, because its been a month for us since our babies went to heaven and every day is a struggle but with the faith and grace of god I know he is watching over them! I am praying for you and your husband!!!
    Love
    Ashley Scheer

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  13. You are in our prayers. I haven't met you yet, just seen you in passing at church, but know that you are being covered with prayers by the Body. My heart is aching for you, both. Thank you for your raw post and honesty. Much love, Pam Edwards

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  14. And I am truly sorry for both the losses of your precious babies.

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  15. I know I have never met you, but I am so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you in my prayers.

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  16. My heart is heavy for you and your husband. I can't even imagine the amount of pain and sadness you are feeling. Those babies would have had a great mom. If I can help let me know.

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  17. I am so sorry to hear of your second loss. Your family is so full of grace and love and it seems so wrong. You are all in my prayers and though we cannot see the road at times, remember that god does have a plan. And your mom is up there in Heaven pleading your case for a baby.

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  18. JC & Bee, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I hope your procedure went well today.

    Sandy's Cousin
    Deb Vaccaro

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  19. Although I don't know you, know that I'm praying for you. My heart ached for you when I heard this. I have experienced loss of 5 babies (1 premature, and 4 miscarriages). I look forward to the day when I can meet them in heaven. May God's peace surround you and comfort you in ways that you didn't think were possible. That being said, don't feel guilty about emotions. It's healing to go through all sorts of feelings.

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  20. I don't know you two, but you are in my prayers. My heart aches for you. A week before Christmas I suffered a miscarriage at 9 weeks. It was, and still is, devastating. My the Lord give you comfort and strength in this difficult time.

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