Tuesday, July 31, 2012

When You're a Mother.

When you're a mother you get to wake up each morning (or the middle of the night to a crying baby) you get to hold your baby close and sooth them back to sleep. When you're a mother you get to bath your baby and put lotion on them and diaper them. When you're a mother you get a baby to hold and to kiss and kiss those precious baby toes! When you're a mother you get to sing that precious little one to bed, and read them books before bedtime. When you're a mother you get to dress your sweet baby in cute clothes, you get to put on their tiny little shoes. When you're a mother you get to watch your baby roll over, crawl, and take their first steps! When you're a mother you watch your baby take some falls and are there to kiss their boo boo all better. When you're a mother you get to  see your baby's first smile, their first giggle, their first tooth. When you're a mother you get to hold your sweet little ones hands, you get to clean up after them, and change stinky diapers and put up with temper tantrums. When you're a mother days seem too short, and your baby seems to grow too fast for your liking. When you're a mother you get to raise your child and see them grow from tiny babies to adults. 

When you're a mother who has lost their baby, no matter what age; newborn to fifty years old... the pain is the same. Oh how I long to hold my baby, to hear her giggle, cry, and talk. Being a mother without a baby is such an odd role to be in, but I know that I am a mother. All the things I have listed are things I hoped and dreamed to see and do with Maggie Grace. So now what do I do with those longings, those dreams... I wait until we are gifted with another baby. I pray that this day will come sooner rather than later, but I know that that is ultimately up to my Father in heaven. That longing and desire to be a mother is stronger now then ever before and I know that God would not put that desire in my heart if he did not have that planned for my life. I continue to pray for patience and I am preparing myself for having to wait to get pregnant... and I know I need to prepare myself for that so I am not heart broken each month.

I am trying to allow myself time to breath and think, but lately with our crazy busy schedule that seems to be easier said then done. So each night I have been trying to give myself time in bed to read and to reflect on the day, I feel like this has truly given me time and space to think about what God has blessed me with and to think and dream about the future! 

Well today was a fun and long day with the teens, the weather was beautiful and I even got a little bit of a tan! Back to work I go tomorrow to finish up a huge order, I was thankful for a day off to give my hands a little bit of a break! I am praying for strength and energy to finish my week off, the days seem to be going by way too fast. I hope you had a great day!


Last night my sweet husband made me some sleepy time tea.
It was a great way to end my day with tea and a good book! 

Monday, July 30, 2012

As I Wait...

Wow. I can't believe it is almost August, this summer has flown by and August promises to be our busiest months yet! A lot of fun trips planned, but I am most excited about going to my family cabin with my favorite man and our puppies!! 

As the summer has gone by my heart is waiting for our next baby. Being on Facebook I see so many beautiful babies being born and seeing how happy their parents are, I am so unbelievable happy for them but my heart is just longing for that day for both JC and I. 

Waiting has always been the most difficult thing for me to do, how ever I feel as though God has really instilled in me patients for the wait of our next baby. I feel like I am waiting in a lot of areas in my life; waiting for JC to get hired on here permanently, waiting to find a house that we can officially make our home and buy, waiting to get pregnant. 

I feel like my role of wife of the youth pastor is really starting to take a toll on me, just different aspects are draining me and I really miss him and I just having time with the two of us and it not being taken up or interrupted by something ministry related. I know that his job requires a lot of time outside of the office and I understand that, but I miss my husband. It doesn't help that I have been working a lot also, but this is nice for our bank account do I can't really complain about that and I love my job and my boss! I feel extremely blessed to have this job and look forward to going to work! Anyway I think him being gone for a week at CHIC and then going right back into a busy routine is what is making it hard. It just makes the time that we have together that much sweeter!

I am missing my family a lot these days, this is the first month since we lost Maggie Grace that I have not been able to go down and visit them. I am thankful and excited that my brother Brad and his wife Whitney will be coming for a visit next week with their adorable boys! Can't wait to see them and be with part of my family for a bit! I am also missing JC's family, our east coast family.. his cousin just got married this past weekend and I know that we both wished we could have been there. It is always hard to have distance between you and family... but thank goodness for FaceTime so we can see them and watch Cameron grow and talk, so much fun to hear his little voice! I must say that the little one I am missing the most is my little miss Ryleigh, I miss hearing her little voice say my name, I miss her running up to me and giving me a big hug and a kiss, I miss holding her! I love my nephews with my whole heart but I have always and will always have a strong connection with Ryleigh since the day she was born! I feel honored to be her auntie and her Godmother! I am so excited that they will be moving closer so I can steal her for a weekend!! 

As I wait for the future and all that it holds for JC and I, i continue to lean on God for strength and energy. I am trying to keep a positive attitude and not get too wrapped up in the future and I know that God has many great things in our future, I just know it! 

Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Psalm 37:7

Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up. Proverbs 12:25

"That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?" Matthew 6:25

"You alone are the LORD. You made the skies and the heavens and all the stars. You made earth and the seas and everything in them. You preserve them all, and the angels of heaven worship you." Nehemiah 9:6

Well tomorrow JC and I are heading off for destination unknown with a group of students and will be gone all day, it should be lots of fun and great weather too! We are in the middle of a huge order at work, so I am sure I will be putting in more hours this week. I hope you all have a blessed week... here are some pics from this weekend!


My Boys! 

P and Me!

JC jokes that Zoey looks like a loaf of bread when she lays like this! 

Bring your wife to work day! I helped him move into his new office!

Have to have a Superman poster  in your office when your a youth pastor
And our sweet Maggie Grace's handprints! 

Awesome stuff my brother made for JC! 

Love this man!

Came into work on saturday and my boss had an ice tea waiting for me
one of the many reasons I love working for her! 

JC and I hosted an Olympic opening ceremonies party for the teens! 

My first cupcake cake, it was fun to make! Looking forward to
making more in the future! 

A close up, not perfect but pretty good! 
Love coming home to my furry kids! 

Peek a boo! Hi Zeke! 

Monday, July 23, 2012


Two years ago today I married my best friend, two years ago today JC and I began our journey as a married couple, two years ago we both pledged to love one another through thick and thin, two years ago today was the best day of my life, two years ago today God blessed me with a life with my best friend! 

Two years seems to have flown by, we have both grown so much in the last two years. We have learned more about each other everyday and have truly learned that we can survive our worst days as long as we lean on God and each other! God has brought us through a lot in the last two years; losing my mom, moving to the east coast then back to MN, and most recently losing our first born baby Maggie Grace. Each day that goes by I truly love JC more and more, I feel so unbelievable blessed to share my life with such an amazing man of God. 

JC is my best friend and someone who knows me better than I know myself. This past year has been so difficult with losing Maggie Grace, but I am so thankful that I had JC by my side to hold me, wipe my tears, and to laugh with me. I defiantly feel like I can describe our life together as being a crazy beeautiful ride, I can see that God matches our most difficult moments with ones that are pure goodness and amazing! Some days I don't feel worthy of JC's love and feel so unbelievable blessed by being married to someone as wonderful as him!

To my JC,
Thank you for loving me unconditionally, being there to support me, for taking care of me on my worst days, thank you for dreaming with me, standing by me, grieving with me, and hoping with me! I am so thankful for the past two years of being married to you and I am so looking forward to what the future holds for us and what blessings God has in store for us! I love you to pluto and back! 

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Our Love is a great example of this verse! 


Wedding Day July 23, 2010

I love kissing him!

My Best Friend

He can always put a smile on my face! 
Two years later & I Love you even more! 

My Love

Love my Life with him! 

Thank you for an amazing two years of marriage! Looking forward to the future with you, my love! 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

You are the Potter and I am the Clay

Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We are all formed by your hands. Isaiah 64:8

Yesterday my devotional was on being the clay and being formed by God. I think this is such a neat illustration of what our life is like if we fully give our life to God. He molds us into what he sees as beautiful and worthwhile, so it's important for us to get out of our own way and allow the Potter's hands to do his work.

This is something that I am working on every single day. It is so easy to just say that I give it all up to God, but really it's our human nature that wants to take control of our lives. If it was up to me Maggie Grace would be alive right now and I would have my beautiful six month old baby girl with me... God has and still is using her short life as part of him molding both JC and I. And if it was up to me I would be pregnant right now waiting for our new miracle to be born... but God is using this time to mold me and to add to our story. My prayer continues to be for God to use our life story to touch people and to see God using it to further his kingdom. If it wasn't so evident that he is using our story and our hurts for the good of his kingdom I think it would make everything we have gone through much harder. Every single day it is evident to me that God is working and molding me and I am so thankful for it!

So everyday I want to constantly remind myself that I am clay and that God is molding me and creating something wonderful out of my life. The prayer that follows is the one in my devotional:

Potter, I give you this lump of clay called my life. Use whatever pressure is needed to shape me into something of great worth in your sight, something of beauty in your estimation, something fit for displaying your glory! Amen!

Well in other news, I have been keeping busy working this week and hanging out with my new friend Paige! She has kept me company and went with me on my Target trip, I have so much fun with her!! So this week has actually gone by pretty fast, but I can't wait for JC to come home on Saturday I have missed him so much! And with locking myself out of the house yesterday morning while I was still in my pajamas and almost breaking my neck by climbing through the window, and Zeke going poop in the house ( I think he was rebelling because Daddy is gone) and him chewing on a roll of toilet paper I am defiantly ready for JC to come home and help me with the pups! Tonight I'm going to get my hair cut and then hanging out with my friend Laura, and tomorrow I have a dinner & movie date with one of the youth coaches JC works with Debbie! So I'm pretty sure the last 2 days without him home will go by fast! Hope you have had a blessed week!


Me bored at work! 

Paige and I did our nails!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! 

Beautiful sunset driving home from Target! 

Little trouble maker! 

Yesterday was a pink and white kinda day! 

My new and first pair of converse tennis shoes! I love them!
Got them for $10 at Target.... GREAT deal! 

Paige and I made a Banana split tart for dessert last night!