My Dream of Number 3.

Ever since I was little and dreamed of being a mommy three was always the number I dreamed about! Three babies to love and watch grow up, three babies to teach about Jesus, three babies to hold and cuddle. You get the point, in my heart three was really the only option of how many babies to have. God has blessed me enough to carry and be a mommy to 4 babies, only two with me here on earth.

The day that Micah was born was the day the doctor told me no more babies. my uterus had been through a lot in a short period of time and as a result was too thin to be able to carry another baby. It has taken me over 3 years to write about this because I'm still struggling with this news myself. As a women it is SO terribly hard to be told that you can no longer carry babies, that this option is taken away from you. 
Oh how my mommy heart aches to carry another baby & feel that little baby squirm in my belly. JC and I have talked about foster to adopt but I'm not sure if that is the path that God is going to put us on or not. Part of me feels so selfish for wanting another baby when I have two beautiful and healthy babies of my own. 
There is always that thought in the back of my mind of number 3, I feel like our family is not complete yet. I don't know if I will always feel this way just because we do have two babies in Heaven or if God really has another baby for us. 
Today I felt God urge me to write these feelings down as I laid next to my babies as they napped and my tears starting running down my face as I thought once again that Micah would be the last baby that I carry. 
Oh how I wish that I could know now if God does have another baby for the Barber family or not. I pray that God will give me the knowledge and confidence to do what He sees fit for our family. I also know that I need to pray for patience as I wait for Him to lead me in the way to go. 

I guess I just wanted to put this post out there so that anyone else who may feel this way can know that they are not alone. Being a mother is the single greatest thing I have and will do in my life. I am so unbelievably grateful that God has "borrowed" us these two beautiful and rambunctious babies of ours. That He saw JC and I fit to be their parents, I will forever be grateful and in awe. 
I know that my story is not one of infertility & it could never compare... but to those women I see you, I pray for you and that the Lord would bring you peace.
I may not know what the future holds for us, but I do know what my mommy heart feels and aches for. I will continue to trust God and His plan for our future.


XOXO Bee