Let's Rewind...

 Oh my goodness how time a flown by this last year, I have so many things to update you on. So I thought I would write a post to catch you up on some of life since the last time I posted.

Ironically the very last test I had on hand

We will rewind back to about a year ago... May 9th to be exact. That day I found out that I was pregnant with yet another sweet babe. That morning the tears flooded my eyes once again when I saw the positive on the pregnancy test... but not tears of joy or happiness but of sadness and doubt. As much as I wanted to believe that this would be baby #3 we would be able to keep I doubted this pregnancy would have a happy ending and I didn't know if my heart could take another lose. Sure enough just 5 days later I began to bleed, my heart sank and this was usually a sign that a miscarriage wasn't too far off. Thus began the journey of going to get my blood taken to check my MCG (pregnancy hormone) levels. I remember that first day we were at the park when I got a phone call to come in to check my hormone levels, I felt bad I had to hurry the kids in the car but also just wanted some answers.

 Kylie overheard JC and I talking just a day after finding out I was pregnant and she got SO excited when she heard I was pregnant again. I remember feeling my heart swell to see her so excited about mom having another baby but also wanting to protect her from being hurt if we lost this baby. When thinking of reasons why I wanted to try for another baby one of my big reasons was for Kylie and Micah to have another sibling to love, grow up with and protect. So explained to my Kylie girl (especially when they came to appointments) that we needed to pray that God would protect the baby and help it grow. I prepared them both that we needed to wait and see if we would get good news that day. I wanted them to get excited, but at the same time I wanted to prepare their little hearts just in case we received bad news. I guess looking back at this I think I was also preparing myself for bad news.

Baby at 6 weeks

The first blood draw my numbers were high enough to confirm that I was indeed pregnant. I kept bleeding, so that wanted to do a follow up blood test the following week to see if my number went up. The second one showed an increased number but not as high as they were hoping... my heart kind of sank at that news, but I kept my faith and prayed that my bleeding would stop and it would be fine. At 6 weeks we had an ultrasound to see if we could find/see a heartbeat... being nervous that we wouldn't see a heartbeat or receive bad news we had the kids wait outside of the room with the nurses as our way of protecting them. I remember seeing that tiny little heart beating and I felt a sigh of relief escape my lungs and some hope being restored. Looked at JC with tears in my eyes and said ok, well there is a heartbeat. Next up was my appointment with the nurse practitioner. I remember wanting to speak with her before telling Kylie and Micah any news, so I went in the room alone. 

Spoke with her and she said that she didn't see a need to be testing my numbers any more and that what we had was a viable pregnancy. Wow! Did I really hear those words right? I was thankful that she was the same nurse practitioner that saw me after my last miscarriage, so she knew this was really great news. I'll never forget her kindness after my last miscarriage, I was by myself at that appointment and it was the beginning of COVID so she wasn't suppose to give me a hug but she asked if she could and I of course said yes. I have found from going through so many loses that it really does help to have people in your life that know what you have been through because it is exhausting to have to explain to people our complete background when it comes to pregnancy and babies.I find myself breaking up our different heartbreaks if I know I will be seeing that person more then once, I don't know if I do this to ease their pain or mine. 

sweet kiddos with daddy

After I had my appointment with the nurse I came out and showed Kylie & Micah the ultrasound picture and said there's the baby. It was a little difficult to explain to them where the baby was as at this gestation there is the sac still attached to it. Kylie was very excited and Micah was kind of indifferent. The next day was a Saturday and we decided to go on a little family outing to celebrate the good news that baby had a heartbeat! I was still a little hesitant on getting excited as I was still bleeding (and would continue to for a few more weeks) we got out in the sunshine and stopped at a local favorite spot for dessert. I craved onion rings those early days and I remember JC surprising me with some from Culvers which was a really sweet and showed that he acknowledged the fact that I was in fact pregnant again!

our little family

So thankful for my guy

That't all for today, but I am hoping to post a few more updates to get you caught up to where we are all at now! XOXO Bee