Sunday, January 7, 2018

The Waves of Grief.

Grief... what a sea of emotions it can be. If you have ever lost anyone in your life or know someone who has, you are probably well aware of the waves that grief comes in. 

Well most people are familiar with the 5 stages of grief that most people go through when they lose a loved ones; denial,anger, bargaining, depression & acceptance. 
I for one can tell you that these stages all take different forms, timelines, and emotions for each individual person. After I lost my Mom, it took me about 3 years to truly become angry about what had happened. I didn't try to push it aside, it was just an emotion or stage that I guess took me longer to reach than the other ones.  

While these stages can help people deal with their lose and track where they are in the grief process... grief is so much more than stages. It is a raw, emotional state that will come and go with time. Some days will be harder than others, some months will be, some holidays will be harder, but take heart that those emotional waves will subside and the sun will shine again... I promise. Having gone through losing my Mom, my firstborn child at 41 weeks stillborn and miscarrying my second baby at 16 weeks I have been through the grieving process and have felt those waves of grief hit me with full force. I have cried so hard that my heart literally felt like it was breaking, not being able to catch my breath. I have been there.. I continue to have those moments. My friends I have been there, but guess what? Time does go on, you will laugh again, you will smile while thinking about your loved one without tears. That big sea of grief will subside and the waves will calm. 

I don't believe that grief is something that ever goes away or really something that should. Grief, as hard, raw and emotional as it can be is there as a reminder of the loved one you lost, of how much you love them and their impact on your life. This year was my 8th Christmas without my Mom here with us and I spent some time Christmas eve thinking of my sweet Mama, crying about the thought of never celebrating another Christmas (or any holiday) again with her. Grief stole part of the Christmas joy for me this year... but my Kylie was here to remind me that we will see "Grandma honey" again. 

Oh the sweet blessing of my Faith in my God and that we will all be reunited again someday in heaven, friends I can tell you that if I didn't have my Faith to lean on I truly don't know how I could carry on in this life. 
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds" Psalm 147:3
I know that Jesus helps heal my wounds of the loses in my life. Does this mean that I don't get sad or cry about my sweet babies or Mama absolutely not. God makes grief bearable, He makes the promise of seeing your loved ones once again, He makes this life worth living and gives the peace that surpassing all understanding and the strength to carry you when you don't feel like continuing on.

I guess what I am trying to say is to embrace grief, the stages, be patient with yourself and know that this too shall pass. Trust yourself, embrace your emotions, and cry out to the one who created you, He hears your cries & knows your pain. God wants you to cry to Him, he wants to be the shelter that you seek, He wants to be the source of strength that gets you through the day. Friends, God wants you. Plain and simple. 

I want you to know that if you are walking through the grief journey, you are not alone. As unfortunate as it is  once you've lost a loved one grief becomes part of your life. I warn you not to be consumed by it but to embrace it and let it go (kind of like the waves of the sea) allow it to help you heal and remember your loved ones.